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Cheese Poetry (Read 2180 times)
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Cheese Poetry
23. Nov 2003 at 15:43
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In the spirit of Jonathan Bing and the Linkmen, I suggest (not for its quality but its subject matter) the work of James McIntyre, a man widely regarded as the worst poet in Canadian history. Read, for example, his opus magnum "Ode on the Mammoth Cheese"
http://www.poemhunter.com/p/m/poem.asp?poet=6599&poem=26684

or his "Prophecy of a Ten Ton Cheese"
http://www.poemhunter.com/p/m/poem.asp?poet=6599&poem=26686

For more on this extraordinary cheese enthusiast, see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_McIntyre
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Patrick
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #1 - 23. Nov 2003 at 19:43
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Priceless!  McIntyre sounds like my kinda guy.  A toast to The Cheese Poet!
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B. Pulley
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #2 - 23. Nov 2003 at 21:14
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One has to admire a man (if not his poetry) who loves cheese that much.

B.
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This thing goes deeper than cheese.
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Jeff M.
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #3 - 24. Nov 2003 at 21:23
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I'd be willing to bet money that Mr. McIntyre had a similar love of single malt, which undoubtedly led to these bizarre compositions.  A man just doesn't come up with that sort of thing if not under the influence.

Having said that, I'd also be willing to bet that he was one of the more interesting and entertaining people to talk with at any given social gathering.  

Jeff
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"He'd worked his way through half of G. Smithers, having long ago come to the conclusion that reading is perhaps the finest thing in the world to do in one's leisure time."
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #4 - 24. Nov 2003 at 22:01
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Zounds, man! How dare ye impugn the reputation of cheesemongering's greatest man of letters with these accusations of immoderate use of single malt? The fellow's a veritable oracle of cheese. Besides, in 19th century Ingersoll Ontario, I imagine the best intoxicants he could have found would have been fermented yogourt and bathtub rye. And anyway, even so sober and respectable a personage as Poet Laureate William Wordsworth was known to produce verses such as:

There's something in a flying horse,
There's something in a huge balloon;
But through the clouds I'll never float
Until I have a little Boat,
Shaped like the crescent-moon.
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Jeff M.
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #5 - 25. Nov 2003 at 14:10
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But you must see the difference, especially with the verse you just listed!  Flying horses, huge ballons, and crescent moons thrown into a pot and brewed up to make a charming little stanza are a far cry from the disturbingly obsessive thoughts of Mr. McIntyre.  

Please don't misunderstand; as I mentioned before that sort of thought process is usually the result of a pickling of the mind, which also tends to create a most interesting personality.  Mr. McIntyre would have been welcome at my table anytime, where he would have found an ample supply of single malt (as I wouldnt have any idea where to aquire bathtub rye).  I'm not sure I would have fed him cheese, however, because you just don't know how people like that will behave when presented with the object of their obsession. Can't risk ruining dinner, you know.

Jeff
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"He'd worked his way through half of G. Smithers, having long ago come to the conclusion that reading is perhaps the finest thing in the world to do in one's leisure time."
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #6 - 27. Nov 2003 at 04:16
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All great poets thrive on hock and soda water - it's a well known fact.
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #7 - 01. Dec 2003 at 14:08
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I'm willing to attribute his verses to the effects of wearing a white suit in a full moon. Well know to attract moon-beams and give rise to lunacy.
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Geoff
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #8 - 02. Dec 2003 at 01:56
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To quote the Professor:

That was stuff. I was under the influence of the rays of the Moon. Such things are known to set people mad and make them spout nonsense.
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cnabokov
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #9 - 04. Dec 2003 at 17:37
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Does McIntyre recite this dressed as a bird?

"In featered expectation, wait I will....."
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--
In the Kingdom of Boredom, I wear the royal sweatpants.
Mark Leyner, My Cousin My Gastroenterologist
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #10 - 04. Dec 2003 at 20:48
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I also liked Hints to Cheese Makers on that website:


"For dairymen find that it doth pay
To fatten pigs upon the whey,
For there is money raising grease
As well as in the making cheese."
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #11 - 25. Mar 2004 at 20:26
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To carry on with the cheese theme, while browsing Amazon I came across this amusingly ironic listing (now sadly out of print):

"Effects of advertising on the demand for cheese"
by James Blaylock  
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000102KCA/

No doubt penned by a different Blaylock, but I suspect the Elfin Ship is a pretty good advertisement for raisin cheese.
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #12 - 27. Aug 2004 at 19:29
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Not cheese poetry, but I think it puts one in mind of Jonathan Bing:

“AHOY! and O-ho! and it ’s who ’s for the ferry?”  
   (The briar ’s in bud and the sun going down)  
“And I ’ll row ye so quick and I ’ll row ye so steady,  
   And ’t is but a penny to Twickenham Town.”  
 The ferryman’s slim and the ferryman’s young,
 With just a soft tang in the turn of his tongue;  
And he ’s fresh as a pippin and brown as a berry,  
   And ’t is but a penny to Twickenham Town.

From Twickenham Ferry
by Théophile Marzials
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B. Pulley
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #13 - 28. Aug 2004 at 10:07
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I can almost see Bufo standing on a chair shouting out the words with Gump sitting somewhere nearby, itching to tell him how ludicrous it was because he had no effort in the writing of it.

Gads, we need more Balumnia books!  Smiley

B.

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This thing goes deeper than cheese.
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John Owen
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Re: Cheese Poetry
Reply #14 - 06. Mar 2005 at 23:55
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I know this thread is pretty much dead, seeing as how no one has posted since last August, but I just happened upon this poem by G. K. Chesterton:


SONNET TO A STILTON CHEESE

 Stilton, thou shouldst be living at this hour

 And so thou art.  Nor losest grace thereby;

 England has need of thee, and so have I--

 She is a Fen.  Far as the eye can scour,

 League after grassy league from Lincoln tower

 To Stilton in the fields, she is a Fen.

 Yet this high cheese, by choice of fenland men,

 Like a tall green volcano rose in power.



 Plain living and long drinking are no more,

 And pure religion reading 'Household Words',

 And sturdy manhood sitting still all day

 Shrink, like this cheese that crumbles to its core;

 While my digestion, like the House of Lords,

 The heaviest burdens on herself doth lay.


Read the entire essay from whence this poem came here:
http://www.chesterton-library.net/poetcheese.txt

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